The man with the wand of destiny.

       My first memory about the Mahatma is his autobiography among my amma’s books. The title itself is enough to get your attention: The Story of My Experiments with Truth, but for a boy who was reading borrowed comic books from his cousin the thick, heavy worded monologue did not interest me. My personal encounter with the book was much later, against the backdrop of a spinning compass trying to find its moral direction and world view. By then the schooling, media and society had instilled in me an image of infallible Mahatma who is larger than life.

            Surprisingly, the book was a complete letdown. The man was nothing like I was led to believe. He was just like any other ordinary man who has self-doubts, trying to define him on the basis of his heritage and religion instilled values. It was a total shock to learn that the Mahatma even supported varnashramadharma, the ideological basis of the caste system. Needless to say, it intrigued my curiosity: how did this man become Mahatma? The autobiography stops at the year 1921, so I started to read about him.

            The literature on Mahatma is quite exhaustive. Over the many years that followed my understanding of the man evolved. His life has been looked through every possible shade of glass and hence the picture is very vivid. Mahatma’s portrayal ranges from that of a naive, utopian dreamer without a real understanding of underlying socio-political forces which caused India many problems (some of which we are still relevant) to that of a political prophet who made an independent India possible through peaceful means.

            Off all the vast literature on him ironically, I find the best testimony about who the Mahatma was in the words of his assassin, Nathuram Vinayak Godse’s statement made to the Punjab High Court on why he killed Gandhi. The following sentences are taken from his statement:

His activities for public awakening were phenomenal in their intensity and were reinforced by the slogan of truth and non-violence which he paraded ostentatiously before the country. No sensible or enlightened person could object to those slogans.

Gandhi had done very good in South Africa to uphold the rights and well-being of the Indian community there.

But above all I studied very closely whatever Savarkar and Gandhiji had written and spoken, as to my mind these two ideologies have contributed more to the moulding of the thought and action of the Indian people during the last thirty years or so, than any other single factor has done.

            If you discount Godse’s misplaced anti-muslim ramblings and blown up idealistic fantasy about our singular glorified past, which is what actually made him pull the trigger, he says how the Mahatma was instrumental in unifying the county to act as one.

            This is how I want to remember him: The man who made a platform for ethnically diverse, linguistically divided, anthropologically different nation to come together as one and demand independence. Before Mahatma the need for Independence and freedom struggle moment was confined to the elite, educated self-proclaimed upper class. All other struggles stemmed out of local causes rather than out of nationalistic realization.

            He is not perfect, nor did he have all the solutions for our county’s problems. He couldn’t even play a decisive role during the partition or prevent needless bloodshed that followed. Looking back from today’s India it is easy to find fault with the Mahatma but there is no denying that this India, the nation-state, was built using his blocks.

Mahatma, who walked through the history of this nation with his long wand creating a unifying magical middle ground for all to come together and be one as a single strong nation. Today 150 years after his birth I fear that the Mahatma’s magic is slowly wearing off.

The path you walk....

The path you walk, the thousand footsteps you leave…..

Along the shores of life, with many a fellow traveler.

Crossing path and sharing moments, sometimes stealing,

To make your journey worth travelling.

We walk this journey, some rich some poor

 Some wise some foolish, some selfish some selfless.

Some succeed some fail, some happy some sad,

But all must pass through the same gate to life next.

I am nothing but a humble scribe, insignificant

My scribbles make me pause and look at the words I pen.

The words speak to me, makes me think and has taught me this:

The journey you make leaves marks not just on your shore.

Your fellow travelers, your comfort and companion,

Gets marked by the footsteps you make on their path.

Don’t stamp, crush or gash their delicate path,

For they have to walk the rest with the weight you left behind.

All who human born, starts his journey with the first cry,

And end it God knows when with a long sigh, yes the last sigh.

Let us take this journey meaningful, not scorching anyone’s path,

And make the last sigh a life well lived.

Inhibitions of a writer

First of all I have to apologise to you all for calling myself a writer. Don’t take it as my arrogance or ego…….it’s simply lack of vocabulary. I, very well know that I am no way near being a writer………though I dream of becoming one ( some day ! ).  I am very happy to say that this blog has quite a few number of regular readers……and many of them occasionally call me up and share their thoughts too.  Some encourage me as if I am going to be the next booker prize winner , thank you for those kind words – I know it’s just a pat on my back to do better, and some terribly criticising  me – another way to show me the right path. Either case I am sure from my blog statistics that I have readers form countries like Russia and Netherlands even – may be my friends who went abroad.  Again, apologies, this is not meant to be a bill board for my blog. I am sharing these with you only because, for the point that I want to make - these are important.

                                Like I said earlier, yesterday I was chatting with my cousin about the blog on feminism – he didn’t like the views, it seems. After arguing each other's part for almost twenty minutes we both agreed it is not going to take us anywhere and decided to wrap it up, but he had a demand, rather request – I should blog about the girls in my life, and he meant “girls”, yeah pleural.  I don’t think he wants to make a fool out me in front of the world, but rather he wants me to express my conclusions and opinions about them. Even I personally think that I have lot of insights to share on the topic, not that I had lot of “girls” but rather I always felt that I looked at those matters from a different angle.  An open blog on that topic based on cognitive perspective will defiantly be solid stuff.  BUT……do I have the guts to do it…..? When he asked me to, the first thought that went through my mind is: I shouldn’t be doing it, it would be suicidal.  I was afraid what my readers would say, was afraid that it might hurt your feelings – especially ladies. Not that I have got a negative opinion or a long list of imperfections or complaints but there are certain universal truths which when discussed will bleed.

                                I am just an amateur blogger, and at the most I could get 60 visitors a day.  Still I don’t have the courage to write fearlessly. This leaves me with two conclusions:

1)      Hats off to those brave writers who believed in the beauty of their ideas and wrote fearlessly – all revolutions and leaps in progress started from either writings or art forms.

2)      A tear drop for those nameless thousand brilliant writers who the world never knew because of their inhibitions.

                                Where will I belong and where will you? Only time will tell, and may I receive the gift of valliance, if it’s my destiny to be a writer.

Feminism - A different lens to view through…..

           I know, I owe an explanation for not blogging for the last three weeks…. it’s simple; my work kept me busy. It was a different kind of writing though; I did my first “business plan” – an exhaustive thirty pages, another amazing experience. Now let me come to what I want to share today: FEMINISM. I’m sure you must be wondering what happened to me to write about feminism. It’s odd that a guy like me who grew up in 98% men only environment (1^st to 12^th standard in boys school, then engineering in mechanical, not even a single girl) to even think about feminism. I should admit that my opinion about feminism was negative. My image about a feminist was something like a tough, arrogant, cut throat idealist lady who would give a five hour long sermon on women’s rights and how badly the world is designed by men for men.  But that has changed, thanks for my friend who gave me a ‘different lens to view’ feminism.

                All of us think of feminism as a relatively new concept, at least I did. But a little research into the subject and it amazed me – 15^th  Century Venetian born feminist Christine de Pizan……..my good lord..…FIFTEENTH CENTURY!!!  I now understand feminism as a school of thought, aimed at creating a welfare society – where men and women completely complement each other. Domination of any sort – social – economic – political – cultural – is and should be a crime. Let me tell you what Plato's Symposium tells about man and women.

                “In the beginning men and women were stuck back to back and it’s said that they lived very happily. They were so happy and complete that the gods themselves felt jealous. Then one day gods decided to split humans into two, and this they did using thunder – and we humans became two, became man and woman.”  This is my adaptive narration.  My point is, for us (men) to feel complete, to actualize our true self, to realize the ultimate we need our better half (women). And naturally, ladies, you too need us…..so please don’t pretend. Coming back to the core idea, feminism is a matter of perspective.  It’s about how you see the women around you – don’t limit it to your mom, siblings, friends, colleagues etc. It should be on a broad spectrum – about how you see womanhood. Today in this blog, I am sharing my realization with you……feminism in its motive will only definitely make us more civilized. We men have a feeling that we are better, and in fact we are told by society that we men are supposed to dominate women. I must admit that my interest in human cognition has taught me that men are physically and instinctively strong (after all we used to be hunters); women are emotionally and physiologically better (they had the great responsibility of cradling civilization). We should understand and respect the fact that men and women are meant to complement each other and that one is not superior or inferior to the other. So my dear guys next time when you get that raw, animal instinct to dominate a woman (socially – economically – politically – culturally) – give it a second thought.  She is your better half and we need each other to be complete. Give her what she wants - acceptance, that will work wonders for you. ( I am yet to know )

                I am not sure about my blog tomorrow, got lots to share…any way I will be posting without fail. 

When I came to this earth I came alone and I leave the same way.

Yeah, I know it’s a strong statement. Came across this in my friend’s blog, not that I haven’t heard similar phrases before but this time it got me thinking.

We are all busy climbing ladders of success; at least we are giving a sincere effort to. (If you are not, then my buddy, you are doing a terrible mistake.) But where does it take us to? What do we ‘achieve’ at the end? We all know that anything material won’t take us anywhere, so it should be all the other things classified as immaterial wealth – knowledge, good will, respect, recognition etc. Really ? Gaining all this will earn you a place in history/hearts, I don’t think so.  There is something beyond this that you should achieve. No, it’s not transcendence or singularility or any others that can be earned or conquered.

 I believe it is not what you gain that defines you but what you are able to give.

 I have heard many people saying : ‘ He has hurt me many times but still I help him in his need ’ ;  ‘ She failed to understand me but still I care for her ’ ; ‘ They are never going to learn what is right and not but  I will never give up on them ‘ …….all these are a kind of giving, emotional giving.

Not just that…….anything you give out with genuine feelings will earn you bliss. My last lecture for PGDM 2010 batch at SICOMS was something like that. I don’t know what happened to me that day; I spoke from the depth of my heart to the class. The essence of what I spoke was this: the best virtue they will ever be able to earn is the mindset to use their wisdom to the benefit of the less privileged. I shared with them what my mentors gave me:  a vision, selfless vision, enlightening and uplifting each other by giving out your share of self. I came out of that lecture as a different man.

I am sure at least one in that class started to seeing things from a new, better perspective. I don’t have a platform to influence the lives of many, my reach is short. But those of you who can, please do it. Start giving out yourself, not just your money. Start giving out what you feel is unique in you, and naturally what you give out today will come back to you eventually ten times over – after creating a lot of difference in the lives of many.

Footnote: Like everybody else we’ll also die one day and will be waiting at the gates of heaven, and we can’t take any material wealth up there to bribe our way in.

I fed my ego, but not my soul!

My biggest flaw.…

          Two years of preschool, ten years of schooling, two years of pre-professional and then four years of professional training. May be more than 300+ books, 500+ movies, 25 years of life experience and a lot more…….what have I learned from all those? Where did all the knowledge go? That’s my biggest flaw, my ego.

              What is this ego? “Id, ego and super-ego” - three parts of the psychic apparatus defined in Sigmund Freud's structural model. Id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the ego is the organised, realistic part; and the super-ego plays the critical and moralising role. Yes I am admitting it openly: I fed my ego, but not my soul. All that I acquired – good and bad – was fed to my ego. In Vedanta it’s referred to as ‘ahaam bhavam’, and the supreme knowledge is referred to as knowing your ‘ahaam’ / ‘athman’. It was a realization, I have read about all these concepts many a time, examined the meanings and underpinnings countless times but never have it dawned on me that I, myself am a victim. All the light that was shown to me was leading my ego to climb heights, but me as a person is still on ground zero. This humbles me, no rather it should humiliate me.  I am confessing: many, many, many a loss I suffered in my life was because of my ego. I could not be the person I wanted to be, because my own ego was blocking my way.

“Asato maa sadgamaya

Tamaso maa jyotirgamaya

Mṛityor maa amṛitan gamaya”

“From the Unreal, lead us to the Real; from Darkness, lead us unto Light; from Death, lead us to Immortality.”

           I am taking a resolution here, to be humble and feed my soul and not my ego from today!! The prayer be my lantern, showing my way ahead……..  

            I might have managed to turn around to be ok in my professional life so far, but my personal life ……..the story is totally different, tomorrow that’s our story.

It takes years to build up trust, and only seconds to destroy it ! ! !

              Trust – a five letter word that has so much emotion and sentiments attached to it.  It’s strange that we are so vulnerable when we trust someone but paradoxically, if we cannot trust we’ll never be able to understand, appreciate and then to achieve anything in life.  Trust – same time your strength and weakness, like the cliché phrase goes: pulling one drags another.  Many a times in a relationship this factor matters the most. Yeah, you can say “ It’s not trust but – love, compassion, understanding, caring, etc, etc . . . ."  but let me ask you,  in the absence of trust can any of the said factors flourish ? Trust is the essential basement on which any kind of relationship is built on.  Well why this lecture on trust…….we all know what it is, isn’t?

              Let me get on with my confession. Last two days I was home. A particular incident occurred that kept me thinking where I stand in terms of earning and keeping trust.  I happened to wound the trust of a very dear friend, in fact not just a friend, a soul mate I should say – who stood with me through the most difficult times of my life so far. I had secretly tucked some chapters of my life away from my friend: intentionally.  But it was in no way meant to hurt or hide anything,  just to avoid a few moments of unpleasant talk.  Now when I look back I feel guilty, shouldn’t have done that.  I’m sure all of you will be having such an experience.  Only if I had the courage to . . . . .

              So my dear readers have courage to drink the sour wine to keep your trust intact, short cut getaways will land you in trouble. You keeping other’s trust won’t paint the complete picture; there is one more shade involved: what you go through when your trust is betrayed. When your very concept about the person you care comes crashing down on you. When all that trust you gave meant nothing, when you bluntly realize one day that all the effort you had taken, all the time you had spent, all those sacrifices you made……..was just going down the drain. The moment you realize that your trust is being betrayed, all that you held dear to your heart about that person – be it your parents, siblings, friends, teachers, boss…….whomever it may be……you will need great strength to live through that moment. I had many, many, many such instances in my life. A quick rewind says I have not done a good job. I questioned myself to find out what the root cause is, and I think I got it….May be that’s my single greatest flaw. I know you are eager to know what it is……sure will tell you all, in my tomorrow’s post.