I fed my ego, but not my soul!

My biggest flaw.…

          Two years of preschool, ten years of schooling, two years of pre-professional and then four years of professional training. May be more than 300+ books, 500+ movies, 25 years of life experience and a lot more…….what have I learned from all those? Where did all the knowledge go? That’s my biggest flaw, my ego.

              What is this ego? “Id, ego and super-ego” - three parts of the psychic apparatus defined in Sigmund Freud's structural model. Id is the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends; the ego is the organised, realistic part; and the super-ego plays the critical and moralising role. Yes I am admitting it openly: I fed my ego, but not my soul. All that I acquired – good and bad – was fed to my ego. In Vedanta it’s referred to as ‘ahaam bhavam’, and the supreme knowledge is referred to as knowing your ‘ahaam’ / ‘athman’. It was a realization, I have read about all these concepts many a time, examined the meanings and underpinnings countless times but never have it dawned on me that I, myself am a victim. All the light that was shown to me was leading my ego to climb heights, but me as a person is still on ground zero. This humbles me, no rather it should humiliate me.  I am confessing: many, many, many a loss I suffered in my life was because of my ego. I could not be the person I wanted to be, because my own ego was blocking my way.

“Asato maa sadgamaya

Tamaso maa jyotirgamaya

Mṛityor maa amṛitan gamaya”

“From the Unreal, lead us to the Real; from Darkness, lead us unto Light; from Death, lead us to Immortality.”

           I am taking a resolution here, to be humble and feed my soul and not my ego from today!! The prayer be my lantern, showing my way ahead……..  

            I might have managed to turn around to be ok in my professional life so far, but my personal life ……..the story is totally different, tomorrow that’s our story.